In Agra to do one of those wonderfully generic stories "how does small-town India celebrate Valentine's Day" (but which small town, Tirupur? Meerut? Hospet?) and just before our first live at 11 am I have a bunch of enthusiastic, screaming boys next to me. India Talks of the day is "Does V-Day oppose Indian culture" and they all have strong and opinionated takes on this. They also offer information on the number of girlfriends they have, where they take them and what their plans for today are. In fact we have to edge out some so that our frame doesn't spill over with Agra's MS Dhoni's.
And then, about two minutes to live, a tall boy in a khadi kurta appears at the periphery of the crowd of people straining to make it in the camera frame. "Valentine's Day hatao, hatao..." It begins as a single cry and then gains momentum as people join him from across the road. Banners appear, saffron banners. Youth leaders appear.
My bubbling-over-with-V Day-joy group silently but completely dissipates and at exactly 11:05 when they toss to me I am absolutely alone with the Shiv Sena anti-Valentine's Day chants layering my lonely update.
Later, after the Shiv Sena procession meanders away to a corner of the crossing, our employee in Agra appears and I narrate my little tragedy to him: all those young, ready to speak boys and then poof! all gone just before my live.
"Yes, yes," he tells me soothingly. "I sent the Shiv Sena boys. The live was at 11, na? So you got your shots of them?"
I was, to use an extreme understatement, startled.
"But I didn't want them," I said. "I was all ready with these other boys. My story is not the protesters..."
"Ok," he says, in-control, "we'll send them away then."
Then, screaming out to their backs as they flew flags for an assortment of media photographers, "Chalo, chalo, chale jaaon": he waves his hand dismissively and they meekly oblige. Dismissed. In a few words.
You can control the mobs to perfection, I realise. Just tell them what time to show up and how loud or soft you want them for your live or your camera still. They will moderate voice level, slogan content, direction of procession and anything else you can think of. Anything for the media.
With some others, it's not so easy. I can't find any girls to answer my "Does V-Day oppose Indian culture question"; finally the Procter drags some in front of me. They appear quite peeved.
"Of course it's not," they say, impatiently, "it's ony natural to have such celebration."
Will they say this on camera though?
"No!" Now quite militant. "Don't you understand we have to show our faces in public, we have our respect in society, how can we say such things, what will our families say" (no, this is not my convenient paraphrase, it was in English, just like this). I think what took me aback was how forceful and independent they seemed when they were saying this.
And about my own, pained, reaction I am reminded me of someone who wrote in on the Sarai Reader List that liberals were the most intolerant because they were so dismissive of extremist voices.
